point de départ

it has been so long. though no one reads me, I think I should say "forgive me!". I had just finished my first semester. indeed it was tiring. it had torn me out emotionally and physically. the assignments utterly blew my brain away. through the experiences and the tiredness, I have come to another step in the sense of maturity, which is not wholly developed yet. blame me not. I'm still 19 until next January.

I have learned in life, decisions are constantly made. either the tiny one like "should I poop now or next week?" or the life-changing one like "what would I become when I finish my studies?". when I was young, I believed life is like a river. the water flows along the way without knowing where the end is. I let fate decided everything for me, and yet I should had realized that I'm the one who set my own fate. as time goes by, I aware that I have to have a plan on how should I live my life. I have wanted to be a writer since forever, but fate had brought me every where. from science stream to engineering and now stops at teaching field. not that I don't like teaching. I like teaching so much, but it is not enough. I supposed to have the passion to teach those decent children. but at the same time, I want to do what I love to do. I want to be a columnist. yes, I know. my writings are not good enough to qualify myself as a writer. but, I love writing.

in life, I also believe mothers make good decisions for their children. I love my mom. I want her to be proud of me being a person she wants me to be. she wants her daughter to have a sort of secure job. I'm not begging for her understanding, but I plead to have the strength to prove to her that I can be good as she wants me to be despite what would I do for living. so, I take this moment as my starting point to pursue my dreams.

I should start work even harder and keep on be grateful for the bliss granted to me by the most gracious and most merciful, Allah subahanallahi taala.

pride and prejudice

i believe we, Malaysian are given equal right to speak pertaining to any matter simply to express our opinion.

"Freedom of speech as a human rights as recognized in the Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and recognized in the law of international human rights in the International Covenant on Civil Rights and Political Rights (ICCRPR). ICCRPR recognizes the right of freedom of speech as a right to opinions without interference. All people shall have the right to express an opinion." (wikipedia.org)

so, legally i have the right to opinions about Pertubuhan Kebajikan dan Dakwah Islamiah Malaysia.

PEKIDA is a fundamentally strong association. it was founded by our former prime minister, Tun Haji Abdullah bin Ahmad Badawi. it was founded in line with the principle cultivated by Pak Lah in the Muslim community of Malaysia which is Islam Hadhari. PEKIDA is built to fight for Islam in accordance to the teachings of the Quran and Hadith, to raise the living standards of the Muslim in every way and to establish Islamic-based educational institutions in order to upgrade Muslims on par with others.

it is clearly to see that PEKIDA IS WELL-ORGANIZED. but i'm not here to defend PEKIDA. i'm here to say that there's something wrong among the members of PEKIDA itself.

what is with the title?

rather than busy fighting about the title used in a so called good movie better they start to look around and work hard to eradicate the corruption of youth on the rise. sorry if i wrote something wrong, but frankly, i'm not see the association's contributions in educating the Muslim community with the real appreciation of Islam.

don't ruin the good name of Islam. all those 'ayahanda', they are not a prophet that we need to preserve their title. no matter how high one's knowledge in Islam, we are still and always the servants of Allah. don't let our arrogance and pride distorts our good intentions.

let us think. what is good and what is bad. PEKIDA is a well-founded organization but to be truth, the members of subordinate are the causes to the damaging of this strong-based organization.

Islam is not merely a religion, it is a way of life. do not ruin your religion with pride, arrogance and ripple.

perhaps, i am just a teenager. but still, i have my own stand.

do not discredit what is originally good.

broken heart

everybody knows what is girls favourite past time. shopping and girls is surprisingly inseparable. i found THIS (do click if you are interested) amazing website selling tons and tons of tremendously good clothes and accessories. mostly vintage and Korean style. but still, i'm in love!! :)

my inner voice is begging for me to buy one. okay, not just one. and hell yeah, they still make that noise until i buy those skirts, jumpsuit and shoes which totally going to blow a hole in my purse. luckily i have this semi wise brain to keep on saying "no!" to my lust for shopping. i love to call my brain 'my semi wise brain' as sometimes i tend to think using my knees without realizing i got this big useful knot in my head.

but till when this semi wise brain of mine could hang on??

i wouldn't know.....

it breaks my heart seeing those clothes. i couldn't buy them for now. but, merely for now.

hehehehe!!!!!!!

(fyi, that is my evil laugh. okay, it doesn't sound like one. fine!)

cheated

can i start whining again? gosh! i could really feel my temperature reaching to its boiling point. i try to control myself from being the most notorious hobbit in the world.

pleaseeeeeeeee i need to strangle someone!!!! madly badly!

don't say you can help while to be truth you can do nothing. just tell me the truth as i already prepared for it.

come on! be considerate.

you can do anything except picking up my calls?

don't tell me you got no time. don't be such a bimbo. you can blogging and blog walking all day long but picking up my call for less than 5 minutes. i mean like oh my god! seriously babe don't mess with people (as much as i know it is your favourite past time, but still!!!!) because people can whack your hope back even worse until u can't imagine how your life would be on the next day.

don't be such a bragger. you may have the best family, a man that you love so, a brilliant stuck up head. but actually, no one ever like you. i mean really really like you.

girl, don't be so proud of yourself because you are not that great.

i'm not one of your haters but, i'm one of loads of people that you ever cheated on.

good job, girl. you such a great liar.

=)

the entire and everything

aww... mummy, we look like those bears! hehe

to the one who make my life :-

mummy, we are who we are. completely different person with different opinion. it might become terrifically intense but mummy, nothing in this world could replaced you. i love you till the end of my life and we have such a mind-boggling bond that everybody could die for.

you are the best and nothing is as better as you. i want you to know every moment with you mummy, is the best time ever. sorry for being such an immature young girl and annoyed you all the time. blame me not, mummy. i am a young girl with a messy mind. i'm trying my best to be a good daughter for you. still and always trying as you should earn yourself a good daughter.

you are my mom. you shape my life. you give me tons and tons of guide and advice to go on with life. you have been such a perfect mom. plus, your nag mummy, is a never-ending song in my heart. i love you, mummy. and you taught me that obstacles are way to success. bear it in your mind mummy because we are human. we will never get escaped from loads of hindrance.

thanks mummy for everything. for the drive to everywhere, for the dishes you have cooked for me, for the beautiful outfit you bought, for the pat on my head when i needed you the most, for the nag when i did something terribly wrong, for the support on everything that i put most effort on, for making my dreams come true, for being the best best friend ever, for giving birth to me and particularly for being such

A WONDERFUL MUMMY TO ME!!

enjoy your years of life mummy because you deserve it. you are the most beautiful 45 years old woman ever.

happy 45th birthday to you mummy!

may you live your happy and blissful life forever

lots of love,

your daughter :)

we and us

to the one who i wish all of the happiness in the world:-

how to not making this post become too cheesy eh? to put in words how much i appreciate your presence in my life is pretty complex. if i could turn back time to the first time we met, i'll be laughing like hell. who wouldn't burst into laugh looking at your ridiculous face? plus with your semi bald hair. gosh! you are my DOPEY. you know what, when i first heard the L word came out from your mouth, i was laughing in my mind(is there any person who laugh in their mind???). blame me not, baby. i wasn't that matured at that time. still, i'm going far away from my sensibility.

each day we see each of us, making huge changes in life. we are not school kids anymore. i'm not that same little girl and you are not that same little boy. i watch you changed from that innocent little boy to a grown up man. i mean it whenever i say i care for you. it feels so great having you around. you make me laugh all the time.

i need you and eleh, i know you need me too. i need you to fix my problems, to drive me to places, to call me when i feel bored, to listen to my whine, to handle the situation when i become so cranky, to wipe my tears when people tell me that i don't know how to write in English, to calm me down when i have my panic attack, to be my punching bag, to be my most loyal best friend, to be my big brother, to protect me, to say 'NO' to me when i beg for an ice-cream. well, apparently i need you for everything.

again, it feels so good having you here, stinky.

art of whining

my blog is kind of boring isn't it? :)

it's okay. i don't like to share my mellow stories to everyone. so instead of being so cheesy, i'll decide tell you how do my look lays on certain things. there is nothing wrong with it. blog is basically about expressing our feelings to the world. we write down our every single word of heart thoroughly. but guys, sometimes, too revealing could lead to nuisance. tell your story, have it your way, but you are what you write. your image hold onto your way of writing to people. those cheesy and mellow things, lets keep it to ourselves.

let your fingers flow gracefully tapping the keyboard, but write with your mind, not your heart. people would love to read your tale of your wonderful days. but should they know, how crazy in love your are? or how mad you are? or how depressed you are? don't let people judge you before they even lay eyes on you. yes, blog means share your feelings with others. but still, just spare them a bit. not the whole entire story. there are some stories which rather to be kept in our deepest part of heart. it is fine to show off your love. well, everybody does it. but not too much. merely remember the vital part of love is the bond of two hearts. just you and your love one. go ahead show your love, but don't let it astray.

sometimes a simple tiny act could head you straight away to huge agony.

still, and always my blog is boring. :)