we and us

to the one who i wish all of the happiness in the world:-

how to not making this post become too cheesy eh? to put in words how much i appreciate your presence in my life is pretty complex. if i could turn back time to the first time we met, i'll be laughing like hell. who wouldn't burst into laugh looking at your ridiculous face? plus with your semi bald hair. gosh! you are my DOPEY. you know what, when i first heard the L word came out from your mouth, i was laughing in my mind(is there any person who laugh in their mind???). blame me not, baby. i wasn't that matured at that time. still, i'm going far away from my sensibility.

each day we see each of us, making huge changes in life. we are not school kids anymore. i'm not that same little girl and you are not that same little boy. i watch you changed from that innocent little boy to a grown up man. i mean it whenever i say i care for you. it feels so great having you around. you make me laugh all the time.

i need you and eleh, i know you need me too. i need you to fix my problems, to drive me to places, to call me when i feel bored, to listen to my whine, to handle the situation when i become so cranky, to wipe my tears when people tell me that i don't know how to write in English, to calm me down when i have my panic attack, to be my punching bag, to be my most loyal best friend, to be my big brother, to protect me, to say 'NO' to me when i beg for an ice-cream. well, apparently i need you for everything.

again, it feels so good having you here, stinky.

art of whining

my blog is kind of boring isn't it? :)

it's okay. i don't like to share my mellow stories to everyone. so instead of being so cheesy, i'll decide tell you how do my look lays on certain things. there is nothing wrong with it. blog is basically about expressing our feelings to the world. we write down our every single word of heart thoroughly. but guys, sometimes, too revealing could lead to nuisance. tell your story, have it your way, but you are what you write. your image hold onto your way of writing to people. those cheesy and mellow things, lets keep it to ourselves.

let your fingers flow gracefully tapping the keyboard, but write with your mind, not your heart. people would love to read your tale of your wonderful days. but should they know, how crazy in love your are? or how mad you are? or how depressed you are? don't let people judge you before they even lay eyes on you. yes, blog means share your feelings with others. but still, just spare them a bit. not the whole entire story. there are some stories which rather to be kept in our deepest part of heart. it is fine to show off your love. well, everybody does it. but not too much. merely remember the vital part of love is the bond of two hearts. just you and your love one. go ahead show your love, but don't let it astray.

sometimes a simple tiny act could head you straight away to huge agony.

still, and always my blog is boring. :)

trace of footsteps

do you ever feel how bad it is losing something that you love so much? such a horrible feeling. you feel like want to vomit all the time. everything that you swallow taste like coarse sand. every time you want to breathe, you can feel there is a huge blockage blocking your air passage. you want to cry so badly, but your tear ducts are dry. nothing is spilling.

you know it is gone, but you don't know how to let it go. the only sound you heard is the sound it made when you were around. the only way that can make you go on is the memories, but to be truth, you won't stand that long. you feel like want to fall asleep as long as you can and wake up by tomorrow morning pretending that there is nothing wrong. but how could you as every second you spend in your life, it was there. how about the plans you made for it? every step you take, you never stop thinking about it.

how to move on when the only thing you know is being with it? you keep asking to yourself, "could i just sleep and never wake up?". how to continue on when you can't even make a move? how to keep going when you don't know how to breathe without it? the pain of thousands of knives stabbing you chest is nothing compare to what you feel right now. in fact, nothing could describe it.

if you got the chance to talk to it, you would say, "before you leave me, you should teach me how to live without you!". but, who are you, to know everything that had been destined for you. the only thing you can do now is nothing. simply nothing.

in the deepest part

sometimes TIRED is not enough to describe how exhausted we are. really. these degree matters could just tear my brain apart. what is the best way to handle anxiety? there are lot of 'what if' in my mind. ya Allah, please make it easy for us.

as i grew older, i come to realize that being an adult is difficult. i have to think about every single aspect of life. for a moment, i feel like giving up. but, that is not the solution. at certain time, i could rely on somebody. but, somehow, sometime, i have to move alone.

i know life is hard. i have been told about that million times. but i will never know it is this hard. i need a rest , but i know i can't. life won't stop for me. even for a while. ya Allah, please give me strength to make it happen.

amin.....

from 1 to 3

every beginning has their end that appear within our unconsciousness. we know it will come, but to be truth, we never know it will be this fast. along our journey, we found loves. loves that could stay as long as we want in our heart. i know friendship, it will end but not now. not in a million years. till now, all of us still hold onto these love.

when we start to do something, we are so excited till we forgot how it would end. life is about moving from one phase to another. like what we are doing now. we are not a foundation student anymore. we are on our way to become a degree student. see, how time can change us. our obligation is getting bigger.

deep down, we feel that this end bring huge lesson of life to move on and continue our journey. end is just an end. something new will begin and replace it. this end bring us to reminiscing what had we been through, together or alone. by some means, this end is a good end. indeed.

be gentle, be nice

how does it feels when you see someone violated, not only law of nature, but also law of our religion? i'm not specify only on Islam. in fact, all of the religion in the world are based on same principle, since every religion has God to pray to, to worship. the only thing that differentiate us is to whom we perform our pray. but did we ever heard that the harsh way is the best to counsel people? did you ever think that the moment you start screaming at people for their wrongdoing, you are unconsciously humiliating your own faith?

"jahanam punya perempuan. buka lah tudung tu. pakai tudung tapi pakai nail colour!"

ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the common talk we used to spot, especially while surfing the net. indeed, that person did something wrong, but is it practical enough to literally cursing her like that? there are lot of way to preserve our belief, rather than violence. think before you talk.

now, to my Muslim relatives, we are not taught to preserve the purity of Islam using harsh words. Nabi Muhammad S.A.W, himself using the most kindness conduct that he had to make people love and appreciate Islam. yes, we are not Rasulullah S.A.W. not even close, but we are ordered to follow his sunnah right? come on, my dear brother and sister, lets change. do you know why people afraid of Islam? because Islam is the most gracious religion. we are known by our modesty and gentleness. so, instead of cursing and yelling at others, why don't we persuade them to change? we are not that perfect to insult Allah's creation. lets recap back what sort of mean words had we thrown to others for their mistakes. stay in silence and lets muhassabah.

we are human, we make mistakes. we are not perfect, yet we are not ordered to be perfect. we are told to be ourselves in good ways in order to be a better Muslim. InsyaAllah.

the love i know

i know how it feels like when you receive something in the way that beyond your expectation. i know what is like having beautiful people stand beside me whenever i need them. i know how to be thankful having them for every single moment of my life. i feel so good, entirely good. i know whenever i stumble, there are hands reaching for mine. i mean it every time i say i love them. words couldn't describe how blissful it is appreciating life within their arms. it is merely a feeling, but it is the most greatest feeling in the world. they are matter to me. love isn't come in a minute, yet it takes forever to let it go. thanks mummy for the love. thanks ayah for the thoughts. thanks rizal for the heart.