from small to big

i wish i could erase all of mistakes that i have done. i wish i could wipe them out with my little fingers. but mistakes are not that easy to wipe out, not that painless to erase. MISTAKES ARE THE BEGINNING OF DISCOVERY. no doubt about that.

HOW ABOUT REPEATED MISTAKES?

we do that. frequently. regardless of all the tears we spilled, mistakes still been repeated over and over again. we create a deep wounded cut inside our beloveds' heart. it is hurt whenever they say no sorry or promises can stop you from doing it again. sometimes, we never realize. i make myself believe that my mistakes will be haunting me. we are not that noble to be a 'mistakes-proof'. but for how long they will be there? picking back the pieces of their heart? saying to us it's okay?

WHAT IF THERE IS AN END?

what if they will be so tired? instead of hugging us, they will push us away. one day it will happen. since there is no heart left to be revamp, leaving is the best decision.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME...

for every single thing that i have done, i beg for forgiveness. i have nothing to defense myself. i will do mistakes again, despite how simple it is. please scold me and i will fix it. i promise to myself to try not to do same mistakes again. i know how lame it sounds. but, how i never tired promise to be nice you, that how u should never be tired accepting me.

acquaintance.

i love the fact that all of us are friends.

i love the moment we make it fun.

i love the fact that we still the same.

i love the fact that we still be there.

i love the memory of we being close.

i love the second when we laugh.

i love the time when we cry.

i love the minute when we fight for our future.

i love the way we hold our ambitions.

i love all the bewildering when we figure out

how difficult being an adult.

i love when we come to grasp that life isn't that easy.

i love when we tell each other to be strong

and face the precision.

i love the time when i fall in love with one of you.

i love that i still am falling in love.

i love the fact that my friends are like clover.

so hard to find, yet so easy to love.

ultimately to my BFF-mummy and Rizal

to all my wondrous friends- 1A, 2A, and 3A Foundation in B.Ed (TESL)

april, 12

Malaysian University English Test

Ya Allah, can't it sounds any scarier? i will be having my speaking test tomorrow. i'm in deep trouble. bottomless and thick trouble. what if i failed this one? what if i will get only band 1? i need to get at least band 4. with my abilities, will i able to achieve that?

my heart couldn't stop shivering. it is like the matter of life and death. okay, it is not that deep though. i hope i will nail it.

please dear Allah, bless my baby, me and my fellow friends. please give us the serenity and tranquility to face our MUET test. help us to be super duper eloquent on that day.

amin....

songs of heart

i'm not the kind of person who loves nowadays songs. i like some of them but not all of them. to me, the melody is good and catchy but its ruined by the insignificant lyrics. there is no real meaning of songs. songs are created to unify people, to teach mankind how to get through the obstacles, to give us a lesson of life, to celebrate love, to show appreciation.

i was born in 1992. basically, i'm equally exposed similar to other teens out there. but to the truth is i'm an oldies person. i love old songs. Wham, Scorpion, Debbie Gibson, Bonnie Taylor, Cindy Lauper, Bon Jovi. you name it, i love most of them. i feel like i was born in their era. my mom's era. i love their songs. usually, i will fight with my cousins when we get into the car. he is literary hear to hitz.fm day and night. he would yell at me when i tune to lite.fm and typically my rizal will defend me as he is the old songs fan too. in fact, the first time i hear about him (even though he was my classmate) was when my English teacher, Miss Laila told how impressed she was, reading rizal's essay with the usage of hotel california-the eagles lyrics. i was too! truthfully, he is better than me.

okay back to my main point, some people like the way old songs bring out the emotion of the melody. but some says old songs are only for old people. clearly, that is a vague assumption. some also say nowadays songs are more fascinating than the old ones.

last but not least, people are different but yet, they are similar.

not again?????

i received a pretty shocking news just now. through facebook to be exact. my ex-schoolmate is engaged. whatta?? for real??

i been scolding myself for twenty mins ago. darn it! i'm nineteen. basically, she is nineteen too. it is suitable age to get engaged with someone. well, in my opinion, nineteen is too early to get engaged, yet to get married. too small to hold onto huge commitment. but when the jodoh comes, no one can fight it. it is a destiny that we, as a human can't change.

if i decide to get engaged this early, my mummy will chase me around the house with the biggest pot she owns.

i still assume myself as my mum's little girl and my baby's little sayang. i'm not that grown up. i'm still not prepare to hold onto that commitment. but apparently, some of my friends around my age has decided to tie the knot as quickly as they can. get engaged at nineteen, married at twenty and have kids at their early twenties.

my time will come. sooner or later. i just want to wait. don't want to plan, don't to set up high hope. when the right moment has come, someone will be my fiancée. it's all about the right moment and the perfect person.

to MIMI AFIZA, you may not read my blog or may not remember me. but never mind. congratulation on your beautiful engagement ceremony. hope you and you fiancée will make it last till blissful marriage. amin.

getting married?????

how does it feels? not that i'm gatal-ing. hesy! i just want to know what it is like having someone by your side. it is more than merely having boyfriend, isn't it? i'm talking about having a man, who we called 'husband' in our life. sincerely, i do feel scared thinking about one day i could be somebody's wife. the thoughts that i have to bestow upon him my life dawdle me from really get into the exciting mode when it comes to marriage. it is not only you are facing the new phase of your life, frankly, it is more than that. it is sort of a vow you make not only to yourself, but also to your husband. i come to realize that marriage is actually beautiful when you know how to organize it well, when you have the spirit of team work, the unconditional love, consideration, be prepared to receive each others' flaws. marriage is utterly a sacred promise to live a life together. it is not a normal relationship that you can back off from it anytime. it is not as easy as ABC, indeed it is more difficult than phonology (don't know what is phonology? then, good for you. hehe) in a simple say, marriage is not easy, yet so unpredictable. beyond our expectation, indeed. as far as i know, when the right time has come, i'll face it like a grown up woman. insyaAllah. dear Allah S.W.T, please give me the strength to hold onto my feeling towards him. please let me say, 'he is the one'. for once and for all, i just need to be by his side. he is the only person who can say 'you always do something crazy, but still i love you so much'. how can i stop loving a person who completely love me for who i am? through thick and thin, love, i will be there for you. we'll make it last. insyaAllah.

mummy...sayang adik x?

i always ask my mum that question and the answer is always

"tengok dulu!"

or

"ape yg adik dah buat??"

mummy ni! but you know what i never tired asking that question. i know deep inside her heart only god knows how much she loves me.

dear mummy,

you are my everything. you show me how hard life is and how strong we have to be. no matter what kind of trial god gives us, we can get through it mummy. adik sayang mummy sangat2. even i can be so 'nakal' and stubborn at certain time, but you won't give up on me right? mummy once told me that you don't regret what had happened in your life, because you got a beautiful daughter like me. you touch my heart, mummy. in every single way, you are the best. it is so blessed being a daughter of a mother like you. i remember u told me that the moment you got through the hardest phase of your life, i came and gave you a very wonderful life. i'm the cure to any of your pain. mummy, you are my strength. you have been protecting me since forever. now, mummy i'm your 19 years old daughter. i'm not that little girl anymore, who always abandon her homeworks for playground, who would burn your rm1 only on 5 ice cream malaysia, who would disturbing you when she couldn't sleep at night (well, apparently, i'm still doing it. hehe) i'm your grown up daughter now mummy syg. i have to face this life by my own. it is not that i don't need you anymore. how can i live without you? give me this chance to learn my own life. let me fall. let me get hurt. i know life isn't that great. i know you want to do everything that you can to keep me from harm. let me fly and if i fall, just let me be. i will get up by myself and look at you and thank you for your presence. i love you so much mummy. that won't change. one more thing, don't ask me if you look okay, because you know the answer.

i love you just the way you are.

muaxx!!!