it has been so long. though no one reads me, I think I should say "forgive me!". I had just finished my first semester. indeed it was tiring. it had torn me out emotionally and physically. the assignments utterly blew my brain away. through the experiences and the tiredness, I have come to another step in the sense of maturity, which is not wholly developed yet. blame me not. I'm still 19 until next January.
I have learned in life, decisions are constantly made. either the tiny one like "should I poop now or next week?" or the life-changing one like "what would I become when I finish my studies?". when I was young, I believed life is like a river. the water flows along the way without knowing where the end is. I let fate decided everything for me, and yet I should had realized that I'm the one who set my own fate. as time goes by, I aware that I have to have a plan on how should I live my life. I have wanted to be a writer since forever, but fate had brought me every where. from science stream to engineering and now stops at teaching field. not that I don't like teaching. I like teaching so much, but it is not enough. I supposed to have the passion to teach those decent children. but at the same time, I want to do what I love to do. I want to be a columnist. yes, I know. my writings are not good enough to qualify myself as a writer. but, I love writing.
in life, I also believe mothers make good decisions for their children. I love my mom. I want her to be proud of me being a person she wants me to be. she wants her daughter to have a sort of secure job. I'm not begging for her understanding, but I plead to have the strength to prove to her that I can be good as she wants me to be despite what would I do for living. so, I take this moment as my starting point to pursue my dreams.
I should start work even harder and keep on be grateful for the bliss granted to me by the most gracious and most merciful, Allah subahanallahi taala.